Having a child with a PDA profile means it can be difficult to encourage them to do things that you know will benefit them. If asked to do something directly the answer will probably be no and anything that seems like a chore with no element of choice will likely meet resistance.
So nurseries and reception classes are usually full of sensory play opportunities but after that they seem to vanish completely in favour of activities that are deemed more ‘educational’.
I have been busy investing all my time and energy into learning strategies and ways of being to help my son and I wanted to share some of the positive things I have noticed. One of the subjects I have been learning about is called co-regulation.
co-regulation - put simply, this involves working alongside or together with your child to complete tasks and help them to regulate. You allow them to have a role within the task that they can manage fairly easily and you also have a role in the task so that you are working together as a team and so that the child succeeds.
A few days ago my son wanted to clear his wardrobe out so that it could be moved out of his room to give him more space. I said
"Why don't you take the clothes out one at a time and decide if you want to keep it or not."
He was happy with this so I then said
"You can be the passer and I will be the folder and sorter."
We each had a defined role in the task and it worked beautifully and we were able to complete the task together.
Later that day, as I was cooking our dinner, I was feeling a bit tired and let out a big sigh. My son appeared in front of me and asked
"What can I help you with mummy?"
To say I was taken aback is an understatement! I mean he literally never even notices that I might need help let alone actually voice an offer! I tried to quiet my brain which was telling me to 'not get this wrong and screw it up' and suggested that he might like to wipe the work surfaces down for me. A task that he can easily manage and succeed at. I watched out of the corner of my eye as he wiped down the surfaces and proclaimed
"I like doing cleaning. I want to do more things like this," before returning to his screen!
Has he offered to lift a finger to help since? No. Does it matter? No. I'm taking that as a win and as a sign that my hard work is paying off!
I am trying my best to see the learning in everything my son does. Even things that I don’t necessarily see as having any educational value. Today he says to me:
The washing basket in my house matches my mind, overflowing and disorganised, different items competing against each other to be washed and dried and lovingly folded and put away in their proper place. I felt so accomplished today having brought in the line dried washing (gorgeous weather here today) and put it all away, only to find that the dirty washing had multiplied and was once again overflowing!
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